Groan...

That's what the Holy Spirit did for me. He groaned for me when I couldn't conceive. Oh, the unfounded guilt you carry when your body doesn't work. Five IUI's and three in vitros later and no child. He groaned for me when my thoughts had even become barren. I was an angry wasteland of bitterness! Anxiety took over and the panic attacks began on the daily. He groaned for me because I was all prayed out. He groaned for me when I couldn't put into words my sorrow.

Then, something beautiful happened to my soul. I decided I wanted to live in contentment and I put the baby on hold. I asked God to be born in me instead. I wanted the beautiful child in the manger to be my all in all. So, Michael and I traveled. We went to New York and to Vegas. I soaked myself in the Word. I fell in love with photography and rekindled friendships.

Most importantly, God became my favorite past time and not thoughts of an unborn baby. Whew! That's a big admission. I had made motherhood my mission instead of Jesus!

None of you have done that, right? Made something more important to you than Jesus. He was supposed to be the desire of my heart. Now, I still believed God would bring me a baby. My belief was HUGE but this time around I understood it wasn't about me, my timing, or even how I chose to conceive.

It was about who God chose to bring into this world and the condition of my heart.

I would never want to replace that time of just WAITING with God. So tender were His mercies that I miss those times I felt His nearness. Some of you are hurting over loss of a child or you are unable to conceive.

Know this Momma, God is right there holding you up. 

He loves you and in time and His way you will be a mom too! Give your hope to God and let Him be your Dream!

You won't regret turning your life over to Him.  I sure haven't. I feel blessed beyond measure.

By the way, the missing line of the pee stick is NOT the end to your future family! 

God is more of a healer than that failed procedure. He is more powerful than that doctor's prognosis. He will provide even when the adoption didn't pan out and your arms are still empty. My arms were empty for twelve years.  Keep holding on to Him. Keep holding on because His gift is worth waiting for. He will give you something to hold, Him!

We finally conceived on Father's Day. How appropriate to be filled with a child after being filled with His Spirit. It was our fourth and final in vitro. We had run out of money. We couldn't go on any further and then our miracle happened! Savannah Grace Connell, was born March 4, 2014.
Right now your baby is just gestating in Heaven. It may be born of your womb or your heart but he or she is there. Hold on Momma! Hold on!