I went into the local retail makeup store looking for the best mascara. I was searching for fab lashes. Length and volume after giving birth to my baby were of a thing of the past. I was approached by an older woman asking if I needed help. Of course, I said, "yes, I want the _ and _ mascara because it works wonders." I mean I wanted to keep my wonder woman eyelashes but it takes several steps of application. I needed miracle mascara. Ok, well my lashes aren't natural by far but they are my own eyelashes. The sales clerk told me had I tried this other one that you only needed one coat. No, so of course I buy it and get it home. It doesn't work. Yet, it was the same price. The makeup world makes a killing on us insecure idiots. I am speaking for myself here. I knew the product I wanted. I knew it worked. Yes, it was costly and three steps but I had great results. How about that? Success takes work and a little time, right? So what is the cost? How do I achieve the results I want without going to such extremes? Then, I asked the older lady what she used. "My eyelashes aren't real she says." She is ten years older than my mom wearing a miniskirt and her eyelashes are the best I've ever seen. She looked great! I mean I want to be her one day but she didn't look happy. I think her pursed lips and frozen smile said it all. Staying young was sucking the joy out of her. Her eyes didn't crinkle. She was beautiful and fragile at the same time. She was one botox injection away from a breakdown. Then, I noticed her sad eyes behind those luscious lashes. My heart broke. She sits in that makeup chair every week and spends four times what I do to achieve that look. What is it getting her but a few compliments? Now, if this was the only thing she altered it might not be that big of deal but she was fake through and through. She had lost herself. I wonder if she looks anything at all like her younger pictures. I wonder if her children would recognize her if they didn't talk to her daily? If you have gotten fake eyelashes recently I am not speaking to you. I am just speaking to the woman whose whole existence is achieving a better body, a greater look. Splurging is fine every now and then. So, I left that retail store with my handy dandy mascara and I felt sad. Sad, for the older sales clerk trying to look twenty. Sad for myself that I take such an interest in something as mundane as eyelashes. Sad for our world that we have become so obsessed with our looks. Sad for my daughter that she will witness this often and feel the need to keep up appearances. It doesn't stop and end with makeup. We are consumed in this country with the hoarding of designer clothes, whiter teeth, tanner skin, and harder bodies. I am always hearing discussions of the latest diet, newest fashion trend, and most exclusive place to travel. Well, little old me can't keep up and I am the workout guru. Unfortunately, I am a fashion disaster and I am lost in this world. I think I'm gonna stick with being me. I'm gonna stick with regular mascara. I may wear a bikini but I may not conceal the stretch marks. I want to smile more than I want beauty. I want to laugh more than have attention. I want joy more than a superficial existence. Take that hollywood! I am not advocating giving up on being healthy people. I like being thin but the drive to be best has to stop somewhere. I happen to like that my parents got me braces but I don't need veneers. The other alternative takes too much time and effort. I don't want to be the old lady at the makeup counter with the sad eyes or the woman at the doctor's office getting injections on the regular, either. I want my little girl to see her mom that feels loved, happy, and whole. I want my daughter to see there is more value in being beautiful within. I am all for achieving the best look but what if God's way for me to be successful is just to be me? What if God says, "I love you just as you are, no alterations needed." Oh, how that would shape everything I do to get ready in the morning. My, how that would change the whole course of my actions daily. 1 Samuel 16:7 But the Lord said to Samuel, "Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him (her). The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart."
I need to forget appearance and think person. Yep, that is how I want to spend my day with the person that gives me joy, Jesus! I no longer want to spend my day analyzing how many pounds I've lost or how many weights I've lifted. I want to be seen for me, my heart and mind. I think maybe the lady at the counter hadn't felt seen in a long time. She is probably lacking in love and self-worth. Someone crushed her spirit along the way. I could be wrong but her dignity was completely stripped for someone so dolled up. What is the cost for beauty? Just my heart. He wants a relationship with you so that He can tell you daily how beautifully and wonderfully He created you. He wants you to know Him so that you can know ultimate love. He wants you to walk with Him so that you never have to feel alone. He wants to remove your sin so that you can hold your head high and not in shame. When I focus on Him instead of me I am so much happier. I feel beautiful today because I live in total acceptance. He paid it all so that I wouldn't have to search for a thing. With Jesus there is no more striving for better. Self-worth then is channeled into worship of the only one who is worthy. So, think worship of Jesus instead of self-worth and spending time in His presence instead of focusing on appearance. Since, life with Jesus my life went from being mediocre to blessed. Jesus does the work for me. He pushes me to greatness. He changes me far better than I could ever alter myself. Every bit of blood poured out of him on the cross so I would never ever have to walk through this life unloved or unwanted. He wants me for me and you for you. He desires you more than you desire to be young again, or thin again. His body was broken and bruised so that you wouldn't have to change yours so drastically. What is the cost for joy? A heart in love with Him. He'll do the metamorphosis of your heart and you'll do the giving of your time. He is working wonders on me. Truly the best miracle, ever. No cosmetic work needed. Want to feel beautiful again? Say this prayer aloud to Jesus, Dear Jesus, I am tired of striving to be pretty and meet the worlds standards. I am hurting and just want to be loved. Thank you for dying on the cross for me so that I wouldn't have struggle with keeping up with the world's demands. Jesus, I ask that you take my sin and wash me clean. I ask that you take make my heart pure and beautiful in your sight. I thank you for dying on the cross for me so that I can be your child and live with you eternally. I thank you that I am forgiven and my sin is cast as far as the east is from the west because of your dying for me on the cross. Teach me Jesus how to live for you and to how to serve you daily. In Jesus' Name, Amen That's it. You belong to him and you are beautiful in His sight. Now, go get involved in a church to learn more about him. Open your bible and read what our creator has to say to you. God Bless!
I have many times. I've asked for a boyfriend I didn't need, a dog I couldn't keep, a friend that didn't care, and a car that I couldn't afford. Loved having them all while they were not good for me. I did not find joy in people, places, and things.
In life I was looking for passion and He gave me love. I was searching for pleasure and He gave me peace. I was looking everywhere else but at Him. I never got all that I wanted. Oh, but I was given so much more. I didn't see Him at first. I'm so glad He saw me.
I hurt all over. I was in pain. I couldn't walk. I couldn't stand. My legs had atrophied and I laid prostrate on the ground. I was lying on my face scratching at the dirt as others would pass me by. I stopped desiring to feel better. This was my lot in life. I didn't question why I was born this way. I didn't care anymore. I just needed to survive. The more I tried to get out of the mire the more I was sucked in. I had nowhere to go in this illness because I was on the lowest rung. As if I was in quicksand I was stuck in this cycle. I tried climbing out many times but my arms didn't have the strength to get me over the edge. My legs wouldn't move. I was paralyzed by sin. So, I would fall right back into the mud. I was covered in it. I had hit the bottom and then, I wallowed in it. The mud was strangling me and little by little I was losing air. I decided this is all there is for me. Its a dangerous place to be when you lose all hope. You stop fighting for yourself. I had stopped wanting to be helped. I stopped wanting more for my life. My mind was numb...
And my heart was as paralyzed. It didn't move though it beat in rhythm.
That is until one day through others God whispered to me that there was more. I couldn't stand the stabbing pain everywhere else in my body. I had ignored my heart but my body was feeling the disease, my all encompassing sin had eroded me to the bone. This ache had become too great and things of this world never satisfied me long enough to get through the pain. Praise God! He heard my cry and this is my story:
There is healing POWER in His name. His name is Jesus "Yeshua" and his name means salvation.
There once was this beggar.... "Peter and John went to the Temple one afternoon to take part in the three o'clock prayer service. As they approached the temple, a man lame from birth was being carried in. Each day he was put beside the Temple gate, the one called the Beautiful Gate, so he could beg from the people going into the Temple. When he saw Peter and John about to enter, he asked them for some money. Peter and John looked at him intently, and Peter said, 'Look at us!' The lame man looked at them eagerly, expecting a gift. But Peter said, 'I don't have any money for you. But I'll give you what I have. In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, get up and walk!' Then Peter took the lame man by the right hand and helped him up. And as he did, the man's feet and anklebones were healed and strengthened. He jumped up, stood on his feet, and began to walk! Then, walking, leaping, and praising God, he went into the Temple with them." Act 3:1-8
The beggar asked everyday for money and He just needed Jesus. He was content to just lay there but God wanted more for Him. Day in and day out the beggar had the pattern of asking for and wanting the wrong thing. He didn't know any better because he was born this way. He was stuck in a rut literally. He couldn't move on to bigger and better things. He couldn't move at all. Faith in Jesus' name alone healed this cripple man. What strength must have surged in the lame man's boy! What power must have reformed his bones! How beautiful that our God didn't let him stay this way. How compassionate is our Savior that He reached out through his servants to give the man a restored body so that he wouldn't have to beg anymore. I'm sure he was tired of lying in the dirt. I bet he was sick of being ignored. I could imagine the beggar stomach rumbling thinking when will I eat again. In the time before being politically correct people would not willingly associate with someone who had paralysis. It must have been lonely on the ground while everyone was above him and passing him by. This puts a whole other spin to being talked down to. I ache for this man because he was me. All alone, dirty, hungry, and tired. Begging for something and getting healed in the process. Thank God for the apostles that saw him that day. Thank God for Jesus who set the man free. Thank God He saw me. He healed my body and my heart. There is transforming power in His name.
"The name of Jesus has healed this man--and you know how lame he was before. Faith in Jesus' name has caused this healing before your very eyes." Act 3:16
Faith in Jesus' name healed me too. I just had to know who to ask for: Jesus. I had to set my pride aside and say, "Jesus, the way I am living my life isn't working for me anymore. In fact, I am dying inside. I need you to forgive me and to help me to live a new life for you. I accept your death on the cross as a remission of my sins. Please have your blood wash them away and radically change my heart. Amen"
What are you looking for? With Jesus there is more. He is everything you ever want or need. Don't settle for less. People, places, and things won't fill you up. The lame man kept having to beg for money until his needs were finally satisfied from the only one who has the power to change his life. I decided I wanted to be healed more than this other thing. I let God be my all. He created you to walk daily with Him instead of lying down broken. So, have faith in His name and you too can stand and move healed with Him.
Who doesn't love to travel? School is out for the summer and its that time for family vacations again. For college, I moved to Alabama to be close to the beach. Those were my priorities at the time. I wish I could say I grew up but I still live here in South Alabama and I am still searching for paradise. I guess many of us look forward to trips of relaxation and rest because we have all lost it since the expulsion in the garden of Eden. The tropical vibe we want does not only have to be met in a vacation. Finding temporary relief to our busy work schedules and everyday demands of children leaves us feeling empty and unfulfilled.
I know what it means to live temporally. I am one of those people planning the next vacation as soon as I come home from my last trip to paradise. At first it was a vacation to Gulf Shores, then, Destin, and now, I want to go to Bora Bora. I am picturing swaying Palm trees, rushing blue waves, and white sand. The tropics get me every time. This insationable need to experience bliss and the next best place is never ending. It doesn't have to be a place, this need for beauty can be temporarily filled with other pleasures of people and things. All pleasure seekers need not look to Maui, wine, or food. The next book, movie, or theme park won't fulfill your desires either. Now, there is nothing wrong with some r and r but I realize it has become my focus when my friends say, "how long are you at the beach this time or weren't you just on a trip?"
As much as I know this mentally I keep having to remind myself daily that my paradise RESIDES in the creator, the I AM, the One True God, Jesus. If you feel restless and need a place to dwell go to the ONE who is the fountain of living water. He is not a temporary fix but a timeless presence. I guess I have been seeking rest in people, places, and things when God wants my reverence. I want to hold fast to Jesus' word and presence while living for his kingdom. The kingdom of people to be won and the Jerusalem to come are where my thoughts should be. While I was searching for beauty God wants me to see His holiness and emulate that glory.
How in the world do I accomplish that? Four steps: God has called us to love him, abide in his word, share his message, while showing others his love. Sounds easy right? Wrong. Living for God is a process. One that will never be complete until we get to Heaven. That doesn't mean we can't start right now and have a little paradise here on Earth. In order to love him we have to know him first. We have to come to a point when we say Jesus, I want you to be my Lord and Savior. I want you to reign over my life and forgive me of my sins. I accept your sacrifice of your body on the cross as a covering of my sins and I choose to have a relationship with you. Jesus is faithful. He will wash you clean of all sin and he is just to restore you to who he wants you to become. He did that just for me, a sinner through and through. Next, you have daily time in the Bible and prayer. This reading of the word daily will help you turn away from old sins. The Bible is a living truth that will aid you with the help of the Holy Spirit to become new. Start out with ten minutes. Find a quick devotional online and crack open that Bible. I look for quiet places with no distractions. Finally, share with others your story. I used to be caught up with knowing all the right verses but now I just tell others how God has transformed my life. Memorization is always great but don't forget that you are the living example of how God makes all things new. That's it. Your love for Him will bloom along the way, I promise. For just as our need for pleasure is insatiable his love is irrisistable. He will fulfill all our needs. You just have to ask. Paradise will cover your heart and flow through your mind when you are full of his love. Here's a glimpse to what we have to look forward to:
Revelation 21:10-14- So he took me in spirit to a great, high mountain, and he showed me the holy city, Jerusalem, descending out of heaven from God. It was filled with the glory of God and sparkled like a precious gem, crystal clear like jasper. Its walls were broad and high, with twelve gates guarded by twelve angels. And the names of the twelve tribes of Isreal were written on the gates. There were three gates on each side-east, north, south, and west. The wall of the city had twelve foundations stones, and on them were written the names of the twelve apostles of the Lamb."
Revelation 21:18-20- The wall was made of jasper, and the city was pure gold, as clear as glass. the wall of the city was built on the foundation stones inlaid with twelve gems: the first was jasper, the second sapphire, the third agate, the fourth emerald, the fifth onyx, the six carnelian, the seventh chrysolite, the eighth beryl, the ninth topaz, the tenth chrysoprase, the eleventh jacinth, the twelfth amethyst.
This city, in all His Glory, represents and is our Beautiful God. Next time you look for something beautiful, something to brighten your day, look to God for he is the source of that desire and the fulfillment of all beauty. Fix your mind on things above (Jesus) and you can live in his presence. Now, that's what I call Paradise. You will be in awe of how glorious life with Him will be.
Fear has ruled most of my life. Fear of rejection, fear of the future, fear of being alone. I am not overcome by fear anymore. It doesn't overwhelm me. Yes, episodes of fear can still creep up but it doesn't cripple me.
God has made me dauntless. My fear is abating day by day and in its place is supernatural courage. Without my complete confidence in God's love and acceptance I would never be able to share my pain with you. We say that experiences shape our lives. No, I say its God's goodness and the degree of our total trust and acceptance of His love for us through the reading of his Word that shapes our future.
I cry at the Shriner's commercials. I mean who doesn't hurt to see children hurting. What is weird is I did this even as a child. I cried not because the children would have a hard road ahead of them. I didn't cry because those sweet bodies would have to learn how to walk. I cried because I knew they would be ostracized, bullied, ridiculed, and excluded. I did the same for St. Jude commercials. I didn't understand cancer. I just worried about the kids loosing their hair. Feed the children commercials upset me too because the kids looked unkempt. There is a pattern here. I was focused on looks.
I cried because I saw myself in those children.
It all began when I was in elementary school. I was never picked for the games on the playground. I remember walking the playground at Apollo Elementary School completely alone. It was almost a relief on the days when we couldn't go outside to play. But this wasn't the bad part.
I would have preferred being alone than to what was to come next.
In middle school two events took place that would forever change my life. They were both good and bad at the same time. One, I was continually bullied for my lazy eye and two, my father made a mistake that heaped shame on my family. There was a young girl in middle school that loved to torture me. I never developed a poker face. She knew it hurt me and made her want to insult me more. It wasn't enough that she spit on me, dumped cups of water on me at a dance, or made sure others didn't like me. Oh no, she had her group of friends treat me the same way. Her gang of haters liked to hurl insults at me so that they wouldn't be picked on themselves. Knowing this is why they mistreated me didn't lessen the hurt.
I had learned not to be alone because that was when I would really get abused.
I remember telling my parents I didn't want to go to school. They were confused because they knew that I loved school. I excelled in all of my classes and I loved to read. It didn't end at school.
Now, the kids on the bus were teasing me too. I began taking Bible verses on note cards with me on the bus. I used these for encouragement and it helped to get through my day. It was no longer just this girl's group of friends. It had branched out to other parts of the school. The gym and the bus were the worst part of my day. I literally wanted to disappear. I was also bullied in dance class. My favorite thing was to dance. That activity was taking away from me too. The irony was that when I stopped going because the bullying had gotten so bad these girls wanted to know why I quit. Thankfully, my faith grew stronger at this time in my life.
While middle school was hard I learned a good lesson. I learned the people I aligned myself with would make me who I am. I chose which team I wanted to play on and never looked back. I had God to guide me in the wisdom of choosing godly friends. Isn't middle school tough for everyone? I had a family member tell me one time, "Who hasn't been bullied?" And I replied, "Well, that is just sad. You are minimizing my pain because you believe everyone has walked through my shoes. And I hope everyone isn't bullied because the world is made of up a bunch of misfits." I am thankful NOW that I wasn't included in the fast crowd but at the time it hurt terribly. I was able to cast off their lifestyle. I am thankful they REJECTED me so that I would one day, with my Father's help, reject the values by which they lived.
During middle school, my dad made some poor choices that affected us financially and emotionally. His sin was all over the community. It was a big line item at my church that my father had sinned and in a major way. I was old enough to know what was going on. I knew what my father had done and I carried his shame with me to school, to dance class, and to church. I was embarrassed and none of the other kids' parents wanted me to play with them. At least, this is how I felt. My small circle had grown even smaller. Later, I would learn to have compassion for the sinner because I forgave my Dad. Also, when I sinned I was able to look at how God restored Him. My dad's growth gave me hope after the hurt.
At this time I started hanging out with youth students from another church. Cypress Baptist Church became our new church home. Brother Billy Pierce became our pastor. It was there that I delved deeper in the Word. It was at Cypress that I began to act and sing. It was at Cypress that I felt accepted. It was at Cypress that I healed. I have lasting friendships from that church even though I don't still live in the same community. I am very thankful for the people there that didn't see my eye or my father's sin as a way to exclude me. It was there my husband was baptized after accepting Christ. It was there that I told the deacons about our youth pastor doing questionable things with our youg boys in our church. Yep, my circle closed a little more again. It hurts when you know you are doing the right thing, the moral thing and adults that are your Sunday School teachers at church insult you and your family. With time that issue was resolved but boy did that one hurt. No one said standing up for others would be easy.
So, after high school I moved six hours away to get away from it all. I mean everything. Start fresh and everything would be alright for me. What I didn't know was that when you get a girl out of her community of support her confidence could fade. Also, I didn't realize that when you loose a firm grip on the word and your faith will falter. I didn't continue to study God's word. I didn't find a new church community. I stopped meditating on God's word and therefore forget the depths of God's love for me.
Thankfully, I returned to God. He never lost his hold on me. As an adult negative thoughts hovered in the back of my subconscious. Questions would permeate my every relationship. Why was I never chosen for things? Why did I get rejected continually and on every front? Why did I have a lazy eye? Why God?
I don't know the answer to any of those questions. I know there are things that will always be a mystery to me until I get to Heaven. This is what I do know:
-We are called by God to be His people and we are loved.
Roman 9:25 "Those who were not my people, I will now call my people. And I will love those whom I did not love before."- God says in the prophesy of Hosea about the Gentiles.
-God finds us precious and worthy to be bought with a price. The price was costly (death and resurrection of Jesus) and final.
1 Corinthians 6:20 "for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body."
-He knew what He was doing when He created you and I. We are His beautiful workmanship.
Psalm 139:13-14 "You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother's womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous-and how well I know it." -We will not drown in our difficulties and Jesus is there with us every step of the way. God gave these other nations to Persia in exchange for returning the Jews to their homeland. God gave us Jesus as a ransom for our sins so that we can spend an eternity with Him. Isaiah 43:2-4 When you go through deep waters and great trouble, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown! When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you. For I am the Lord, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior. I gave Egypt, Ethiopia, and Seba as a ransom for your freedom. Others died that you might live. I traded their lives for yours because you are precious to me. You are honored, and I love you." 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 "His grace is sufficient; His power is made perfect in your weakness"
I had a friend tell me by not trusting people I was missing out on relationships. I couldn't help myself. I just felt ugly and unloved most of the time. I still carried these feelings with me even though the doctors had fixed my eye. I still lived in timidity after a community had gotten over my dad's sin. I still walked in disgrace even though I had moved six hours away and became a young married graduate student. I had stopped trusting that I was precious to God so that people didn't even have a chance. I didn't realize that God was using these hurts to make me ready to humble myself for His cause. I had no idea that He was going to use my pain for His purpose. I just knew I was in a deep depression.
The young girl that had bullied me had long since grown up and had kids of her own but I was still hanging on.I had moved area codes but I had not moved on!
I realized something had to give when I wasn't chosen to do something at my church. I was so angry. Where is this anger coming from I thought. Behind the anger was deep hurt and resentment. It was years of carrying someone else's shame. It was years of not being wanted. I guess I never really dealt with these feelings of rejection. I had only superficially, on the surface contemplated how to calm my pain. I had memorized verses on the bus but why hadn't they resided in my soul? How come they hadn't changed my body image. Why do I still stand back and shy away in a crowd when I can sing on a stage? Why I not living loved?
It came down two words: Belief and Focus. I had to make sure those words I was reading, mediating on, and praying were believed. Why doesn't "my Father loves me" resonate? I am chosen by God as a daughter in His kingdom. Why am I not acting like it? I am set apart. I am not ordinary. Jesus's blood covers me. My robe will be spotless and white.
I AM NOT MEANT TO BE JUST ANY CHARACTER IN THE PLAY. I HAVE THE LEAD IF I'M LIVING FOR HIM. I JUST NEED TO REMEMBER TO LOOK FOR HIS APPLAUSE ALONE! I'M SUPPOSED TO STEAL THE SHOW BUT FOR HIS GLORY! MY PURPOSE IS TO WIN SOULS AND NOT ACCOLADES OF PEOPLE! As Christ's messenger I may not be well liked. People usually want to shoot the messenger. You and I are meant to be God's Holy priests. While Jesus was rejected by the people, He was precious to God. We, being God's ambassadors, better be ready for rejection.
2 Thessalonians 2:13b "God picked you out as His from the very start." We are handpicked by our Savior! 1 Peter 2:4-6 "Come to Christ, who is the living cornerstone of God's temple. He was rejected by the people, but he is precious to God who chose him. And now God is building you, as living stones, intohis spiritual temple. What's more you are God's holy priests, who offer the spiritual sacrifices that please him because of Jesus Christ." God is pleased with you because of His son.
So why I was rejected! Maybe, it has to do with the fact that I am my Father's daughter! I was not chosen by others because I was meant for bigger things! So are you!
One event in my life I will never forget is being at the mall with my friends from church. Yes, this is another middle school experience. I remember a boy, Jason, yelling and making obscene gestures because of our faith. He later apologized and all was forgiven.
Something to ponder. What is low self-esteem but a lie from the devil about who we are in relation to the Love God has for us? Some of the devil's favorite work is making us feel unloved. Unfortunately, I had gotten it all wrong! I wasn't supposed to feel better about my appearance or abilities. I was supposed to be ABSOLUTELY assured of God's goodness and love for me.
I needed to keep my eyes on His Image and NOT my mirror image. He wanted me to reflect on Him and not look to closely at my reflection. John 3:30 "He must increase (His being, His presence in my life), but I must decrease (emphasis mine)." All other thoughts of rejection fade away in His presence and healing takes place. When I focus on His Kingdom the rejection that I have been writing about is no longer important. People are important but not for their love for me but so that I would love them as Christ loves them.
Feeling loved requires giving of my time to basque in HIM. I may need to put my iPAD down. I might want to not scroll Face book so much or focus on Internet games. It could take me turning off the TV every once in a while. What do you need to give up so that He can increase? What is God asking you to add by accepting Jesus's love and death for you on the cross.
Fear has ruled most of my life. Fear of rejection, fear of the future, fear of being alone. I am not overcome by fear anymore. It doesn't overwhelm me. Yes, episodes of fear can still creep up but it doesn't cripple me.
God has made me dauntless. My fear is abating day by day and in its place is supernatural courage. Without my complete confidence in God's love and acceptance I would never be able to share my pain with you. We say that experiences shape our lives. No, I say its God's goodness and the degree of our total trust and acceptance of His love for us through the reading of his Word that shapes our future.
How many of you would give your only child to save another person's life? Not me. My child is precious. I won't give her up.
1 John 3:16 "For God so loved the world that He gave his only son, so that everyone who believes in Him will not perish but have eternal life." God loves you in the midst of your sin and shame. Don't carry it anymore. Give it to Jesus. Romans 5:8 "But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners." I'm so glad I can come to God dirty. I'm so thankful he doesn't see my sin but Jesus's righteousness. Even though we are forgiven in Christ we are constantly being restored in Jesus. We continue to sin but it's covered and with God's help corrected. 2 Corinthians 3:16-18 "But whenever anyone turns to the Lord, then the veil is taken away. Now, the Lord is the Spirit, and wherever the Spirit of the Lord is, he gives freedom. And all of us have had that veil removed so that we can be mirrors that brightly reflect the glory of the Lord. And as the Spirit of the Lord works within us, we become more and more like him and reflect his glory even more."
We are precious in His sight.
Thankfully, Jesus gives us an Eternity of love to overcome any and ALL insecurities, hurts, and circumstances. And the eternity doesn't have to start in Heaven. He wants to shield you from hurt in the here and now. Yes, as Christians we will have pain. We will suffer but He will lighten our burdens if we let Him. Be SECURE in Him and His Love, my friend and you'll be surprised how many people are drawn to you. You'll be surprised how it won't matter anymore. I love people but I no longer crave their attention. No, I crave and need My Father's adoration and He gives it freely. You'll be surprised how many storms you can flourish in and overcome. Your future is no longer hinged on what you can do, who you are, or what you look like. Your future is reflected in Him. He will provide for you. He will provide you love, friends, and family. He will provide you safety, security, solace, and serenity. He will provide you courage when you are in the midst of a trial. I'm thankful for the trial of rejection. God used rejection to school me in resilience and reliance on Him. Rejection was the stomping ground to prepare me for the next trial, infertility.
That's what the Holy Spirit did for me. He groaned for me when I couldn't conceive. Oh, the unfounded guilt you carry when your body doesn't work. Five IUI's and three in vitros later and no child. He groaned for me when my thoughts had even become barren. I was an angry wasteland of bitterness! Anxiety took over and the panic attacks began on the daily. He groaned for me because I was all prayed out. He groaned for me when I couldn't put into words my sorrow.
Then, something beautiful happened to my soul. I decided I wanted to live in contentment and I put the baby on hold. I asked God to be born in me instead. I wanted the beautiful child in the manger to be my all in all. So, Michael and I traveled. We went to New York and to Vegas. I soaked myself in the Word. I fell in love with photography and rekindled friendships.
Most importantly, God became my favorite past time and not thoughts of an unborn baby. Whew! That's a big admission. I had made motherhood my mission instead of Jesus!
None of you have done that, right? Made something more important to you than Jesus. He was supposed to be the desire of my heart. Now, I still believed God would bring me a baby. My belief was HUGE but this time around I understood it wasn't about me, my timing, or even how I chose to conceive.
It was about who God chose to bring into this world and the condition of my heart.
I would never want to replace that time of just WAITING with God. So tender were His mercies that I miss those times I felt His nearness. Some of you are hurting over loss of a child or you are unable to conceive.
Know this Momma, God is right there holding you up.
He loves you and in time and His way you will be a mom too! Give your hope to God and let Him be your Dream!
You won't regret turning your life over to Him. I sure haven't. I feel blessed beyond measure.
By the way, the missing line of the pee stick is NOT the end to your future family!
God is more of a healer than that failed procedure. He is more powerful than that doctor's prognosis. He will provide even when the adoption didn't pan out and your arms are still empty. My arms were empty for twelve years. Keep holding on to Him. Keep holding on because His gift is worth waiting for. He will give you something to hold, Him!
We finally conceived on Father's Day. How appropriate to be filled with a child after being filled with His Spirit. It was our fourth and final in vitro. We had run out of money. We couldn't go on any further and then our miracle happened! Savannah Grace Connell, was born March 4, 2014.
Right now your baby is just gestating in Heaven. It may be born of your womb or your heart but he or she is there. Hold on Momma! Hold on!
Words can scar you when they are believed. They become part of your internal dialogue listening to them on repeat over and over. The lies from the devil can be like a merry-go-round ever circling our subconscious until these thoughts surface. They surface in the form of sin, illness, and depression.
Matt 3:45-46
Pearl of Great Price:
“The Kingdom of Heaven is like a treasure that a man discovered hidden in a field. In his excitement, he hid it again and sold everything he owned to get enough money to buy the field- and to get the treasure, too!”
According to Matthew 3, we are like hidden jewels to Jesus. If I was a jewel hidden in a field then I had lost my brilliance. The dirt has been piled on for years and I didn’t shine anymore. Have you been cleaned in a while? Do you feel tarnished? What caused us to lose our radiance?
Satan’s Lies Mask Our Luster.
Now, we have become an old piece hidden in a drawer never to be looked at again. Except there is a curator that knows of our worth. We are valued by HIM and he sees past the fifth. He knows we are precious. After all, he created us. God sent His son, Jesus to die in our place for us. Dear one, if you are struggling with insignificance, insecurity, and loneliness there is a One who can change all that.
Jesus, God’s only son, said on the cross in John 19:30 , “It is finished.”
All that hurt and burden of depression can be lifted if we only ask Him. He took our sin debt, the destructive behaviors we carry, and placed them forever there on the cross. No longer do we have to fight our evil desires. We have a Holy Spirit that can fight our battles. No more do we have to agonize over our failures. Gone is our need to please the world because now we have the Almighty’s attention. He is captivated by us! He just wants us to chose Him.
“But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners”
We can come to him dirty. Our job is to confess and believe. His job is to clean us up.
Jesus said,”I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” John 14:6.
He is the ONLY way for us to feel lasting relief. No one source on Earth or in Heaven will give us this freedom called Grace. It is given to Jesus from the Father.
All it takes is belief in Jesus, acknowledging that he paid for our sins on the cross, and we are free.
There’s just one problem. Many of us are used to being dirty. We don’t believe it is possible for someone to love us and bring back our sparkle again. If the devil can’t get us to sin at first then he can lie to us. Then, the lies turn into the sin of rejection of Jesus. This is the only sin not covered by the cross. We choose him and we receive an abundant life here on Earth and an eternity with him in Heaven. A rejection of Jesus’s gift is to spend eternity without Him. My denial of Jesus in my everyday life lead to feelings of being...
DISCARDED, UNWANTED, AND UNLOVED.
The lies echoed in my brain and reverberated like a clanging gong. Soon, they were no longer just lies. These negative thoughts turned into a strong hold that became a detriment to my health. They could be seen on the surface of my skin. You could see it in my broken smile and downcast face. I couldn’t look myself in the mirror. The Lie now had me in its grip and it wasn’t letting go. This disease was killing me. I was chained to my affliction and I wanted to be free.
My sin was rotting me from the inside out.
Like junk discarded at the dump, the garbage I believed piled up until you didn’t see me anymore. I was invisible.
Psalm 113 :6
Far below him are the heavens and the earth. He stoops to look, and he lifts the poor from the dirt and the needy from the garbage dump.
The jewel was gone and in its place was grime of sin. I was desperate for a reprieve. I wanted out even if that meant death. I no longer wanted to wade in the garbage.
We like pearls are very delicate. On the Mohs scale of hardness and durability pearls are a 2.5 to 4.5. A 10 being the most durable gemstone. Buyers are told that pearls should be the last item to put on after clothing, makeup, etc. as to avoid damage to the pearl. Perfume and hairspray should be applied before placing the gemstones around your throat or on your fingers. These toxins can damage the pearls until the buyer no longer wants them. No one wants a dull pearl and I had allowed sin to erode the layers of my heart.
One day I fell on my face broken. I laid prostrate in my living room crying out to God. I couldn’t go on any longer. It was either God or death. I cried out to the God of my childhood, Jesus. I said,“Fill me up with your Holy Spirit and take this instead. The THIS was my affliction, my disease, my sin, the lies I believed instead of HIM who gave me breath.
God took my Junk, afflictions the devil threw at me, and created JEWELS instead.
Every morning I would do this. I would open my bible and read and pray. My burden was lifted. My chains fell away. It took years to get here but now I had a release. The struggle is real but the Holy Spirit blessed me with peace and perseverance. The scratchy surface of my soul was now pristine and polished. I was spotless before Him. Jesus washed away every sin! He took away every pain. My anguish was lifted and I had hope again. I had Jesus right there beside me restoring me and holding me close. There is nothing like feeling God’s presence. God is more precious than any gemstone. So wonderful was the experience God filling my spirit with himself. I was now able to take in light when I had God’s spirit. Before, it wasn’t available to me. Repentence and restoration happened when I chose him. My sin was covered immediately but I am still being restored day by day, hour by hour. The beauty in salvation in that I have enough grace for the moment and He satisfies my soul. As a prism reflects light, I am now able to dwell in and emit His light into a darkened world.
Zephaniah 3:17
“The Lord your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing.”
I no longer feel unloved for I know that I am adored by God. As it says in Zephaniah, He is in my midst and he quiets me with His love. It is with pure joy that I know He rejoices over me and my return to Him. You can have that Love and Freedom from sin. Choose Jesus. Ask him to take your sin. He has already nailed it to the cross. He gave everything, His very own life so that you could live. He overcame my troubles and not just my sin. Jesus nailed to the cross my despair and insecurity as well. His love validates me. I now have the affection and the ultimate approval that we all seek. Jesus’s acceptance of me is tangible and eternal. Rejection has no place in a life that is validated by LOVE.
Psalm 31:7
“I am overcome with joy because of your unfailing love for you have seen my troubles and you care about the anguish of my soul.”
Sin and death no longer have a hold over me. Yes, I still sin. We all do but I am not a slave to it. It not longer atrophies my heart. I will die but it won’t be lasting. In a blink of an eye I will be with my Lord and Savior.
Psalm 18:39
You have armed me with strength for the battle; you have subdued my enemies under my feet. You made them turn and run!”
My enemy, sin, has lost the war. Is there a sin that consumes you? It doesn’t have to rule your life like it did mine. Instead, accepts Jesus's sacrificial gift. Stay in the Word and meditate on it daily. This way you will be shielded from sin’s pull on your life. I want that for you, friend. I want you to be able to resist sin’s lure.
I want you to live in Freedom. I want you to Live Loved! I want you to be a Jewel for His glory!
